Got some time to scribble today as I am sitting late in office. No, I am not working. Neha and I are going for dinner and she has some work. I am just waiting for her to finish.
I proposed the plan as I had an option to eat out. Though somewhere inside I was scared of proposing this to her. Not that she is a bad company but I uncannily had bad experiences over the dinner with her. Most of the time I return hungry for unexplainable reasons. There are plenty or reasons to corroborate the statement. During one of the dinners that we had, I found the quantity that she cooked was not enough for a person like me with humble appetite. In another she fell sick in the middle of dinner. One more is there where she kept eating at Café coffee Day and I kept chatting with her only to realize in the middle of the night that I was terribly hungry. However, the realization was bit late. I am excited and anxious to see the outcome of today’s dinner.
She told me that she would leave in Jan for Bangalore. It is difficult to imagine life without her after spending so much of time together. We have shared strange relationships. We started with acquaintances, moved to friends, and became good friends, then became colleagues. We also had fights as all friends do and we became enemies also. But I think enemies are dearer than your friends because you keep thinking about them unlike your friends. Three years that we spent together, I loved and hated her for some reason or the other. Now she is leaving and probably it will create a void, which will remain forever. She is just moving to Bangalore from Mumbai and probably our friendship will remain eternal but I still fear that I would miss her. Perhaps now I am accustomed of her presence around me. Life is certainly complex in nature. People come and walk away. You do not care about some of them and they do not care about you. But some of them care about you and you care about them. Only those people matter to you and are dearer. When they walk away you feel a void because they are not around you. Perhaps, God must have decided something good for her. I wish her good luck.
Missed my jog today. I will probably sleep at Sarvesh’s place only. Now he is another character who would make you feel small in front of his grandeur. I can write volumes describing him and even that would not suffice his magnanimity. I will write about him in lengths some other time but in my life span I have never met a man like him. Sometimes I wonder whether he is a human being or a divine spirit residing in a human body. And I am not writing this because he is my friend. As a matter of fact I cannot say that he is my friend. He is not somebody whom you can rely on in your bad times. No, he wont run away but you won’t find him because he might be busy helping others. I demand more commitment from my friends because I am selfish. I demand that commitment for me only. I want them to be there whenever I want them. Sarvesh on the other hand is everybody’s friend. He does not have a priority list unlike me. When I meet people I put them in my priority list that is complex, and have lot of categories. Therefore, my list is very exhaustive and complicate unlike Sarvesh’s. I think, act, and do things differently than Sarvesh. Still we are not friends. Perhaps I am too small by my heart for being his friend.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Monday, December 26, 2005
The Long Weekend of Christmas
Delhi Trip
Finally I am going to Delhi after a long time. I really missed the city and was longing to go there for sometime. Delhi is a city, which changed my life and that is why it has a special place in my heart. It is a city that taught me the lessons of life, the city that made me to laugh and cry, the city that taught me to love and hate at the same time. How can I forget such a city and not miss such a city? I am really glad to get this chance to go there and to meet my friends. I will be having a crunch of time in Delhi but somehow I cannot avoid it. Now I need to stretch my twenty-four hours to get the maximum out of it. Looking forward to have a good time out there. Let me see, what do I get from it?
Dadar Excursion
I do not know whether the title “Dadar Excursion” is apt for the journey that I had on Sunday? It actually was not a pleasure trip because I had gone to cancel my ticket from Mumbai to Jhansi. I piled on with Sarvesh to Dadar to get the reservation cancelled. We got Sarvesh’s Maruti and ran it through the crowded streets of Dadar on the eve of Christmas. Unaware of the station location we had to ask a couple of people to reach our destination. One of the men who helped us was the taxi driver in his late 40s who had worn a Muslim prayer cap and a crisp white starched kurta-pajama. I caught his eye during heavy traffic and when he came right across my window I asked him about the station. He was so helpful that he not only told me the way to reach the station but also suggested that if we could follow him, he would take us there. We missed him in the swarm of vehicles but his face remained lingering for sometime. The initiative taken by him to give more that what had been asked really touched me somewhere deep in my soul.
I wonder sometimes that when it comes to ask for help from strangers, I do not accost anybody to ask for help. In fact I search for a stranger with same vibes and frequency, as I possess to make myself feel more comfortable and safe. Probably, I do not want to talk to somebody who looks crafty, artificial, and judgmental, rather a person who is eager to help me whole-heartedly without making mockery of my ignorance.
Despite of so much help, we could not make to the parking end of the reservation counter. The result of course is to make way for the car through the deluge of people leaving Dadar station. The numbers does not make sense because there were countless people. All seemed to be rushing for something or the other. Some to their homes, some to their jobs, and some to fulfill their commitments made with their friends and relatives.
Nobody was alone there and that was adding more people and more chaos. Most of them were with their well-wishers, friend, acquaintances, or relatives. Those who were alone were accompanied by their dreams that they were living with.
To me the place was like a popcorn maker with loads of corns jumping around up and down, though this was more interesting as it had colors and emotions to each individual unlike corns. The place was chaotic but followed an order. Everybody was aware where exactly he wanted to go and was able to find his way out. I was suffocating and chocking for space to get some fresh air but people around me were looking fresh and energetic. God knows where these people get the energy to live in Mumbai.
As I walked I looked around the street urchins begging for money. Street hawkers displaying their products, garden fresh vegetables, flowers, and fruits occupied both the sides of the narrow street. The freshness and colors were oozing out from the organic matter on the dark gray road adding streaks of contrasting bright colors. Everything was structured, placed with precision, and systematic - bunches of saturated red roses, marigolds, lilies and what not; groups of plums laid neatly on plastic mats; pyramids of vegetables stacked one over the other. Stairs displayed stacks of shirts for Rs. 20/- only; trousers for Rs. 60/- only, electronics, towels and socks, and what not. Name it and get it at dearth cheap rates. Sellers shouting witty & raunchy lines like, “Maal idhar hai, dhyaan kidhar hai”. I wondered whether to laugh or feel sad after hearing that.
The whole atmosphere was charged up. When I reached to the reservation counter I found to my dismal that it was closed. Sundays are till 1400 hours only. The trip went in vain but I was happy that I could name in an excursion in the end.
Corny Night
The word corny is not used for the intended meaning but to express the feeling of a person who had had only corns in the meal. I went to Corn club along with Rushikesh, Sarvesh, and Milind to have dinner. It was Rushikesh’s idea and I was protesting it with Milind. It was not a confident protest and that made us submissive and to go for it. The food was different but it had too much of corn. It started with the starters- corn salad, and baby corn fingers. Then came the main course with corn soup. The platter had one paneer - corn based curry, two chapattis, one vegetable fried rice obviously with corns, and corn salad again. It was in a true sense my first discourse with corns. Never in my life I had eaten such quantities of corns. After I finished my meal I started feeling corns all around in my body and mind. I decided not to go there again at least for a while. I need some time to get away with this newly acquired corn-phobia.
I ended the day at Mocha with Jamaican Blue Mountains.
Finally I am going to Delhi after a long time. I really missed the city and was longing to go there for sometime. Delhi is a city, which changed my life and that is why it has a special place in my heart. It is a city that taught me the lessons of life, the city that made me to laugh and cry, the city that taught me to love and hate at the same time. How can I forget such a city and not miss such a city? I am really glad to get this chance to go there and to meet my friends. I will be having a crunch of time in Delhi but somehow I cannot avoid it. Now I need to stretch my twenty-four hours to get the maximum out of it. Looking forward to have a good time out there. Let me see, what do I get from it?
Dadar Excursion
I do not know whether the title “Dadar Excursion” is apt for the journey that I had on Sunday? It actually was not a pleasure trip because I had gone to cancel my ticket from Mumbai to Jhansi. I piled on with Sarvesh to Dadar to get the reservation cancelled. We got Sarvesh’s Maruti and ran it through the crowded streets of Dadar on the eve of Christmas. Unaware of the station location we had to ask a couple of people to reach our destination. One of the men who helped us was the taxi driver in his late 40s who had worn a Muslim prayer cap and a crisp white starched kurta-pajama. I caught his eye during heavy traffic and when he came right across my window I asked him about the station. He was so helpful that he not only told me the way to reach the station but also suggested that if we could follow him, he would take us there. We missed him in the swarm of vehicles but his face remained lingering for sometime. The initiative taken by him to give more that what had been asked really touched me somewhere deep in my soul.
I wonder sometimes that when it comes to ask for help from strangers, I do not accost anybody to ask for help. In fact I search for a stranger with same vibes and frequency, as I possess to make myself feel more comfortable and safe. Probably, I do not want to talk to somebody who looks crafty, artificial, and judgmental, rather a person who is eager to help me whole-heartedly without making mockery of my ignorance.
Despite of so much help, we could not make to the parking end of the reservation counter. The result of course is to make way for the car through the deluge of people leaving Dadar station. The numbers does not make sense because there were countless people. All seemed to be rushing for something or the other. Some to their homes, some to their jobs, and some to fulfill their commitments made with their friends and relatives.
Nobody was alone there and that was adding more people and more chaos. Most of them were with their well-wishers, friend, acquaintances, or relatives. Those who were alone were accompanied by their dreams that they were living with.
To me the place was like a popcorn maker with loads of corns jumping around up and down, though this was more interesting as it had colors and emotions to each individual unlike corns. The place was chaotic but followed an order. Everybody was aware where exactly he wanted to go and was able to find his way out. I was suffocating and chocking for space to get some fresh air but people around me were looking fresh and energetic. God knows where these people get the energy to live in Mumbai.
As I walked I looked around the street urchins begging for money. Street hawkers displaying their products, garden fresh vegetables, flowers, and fruits occupied both the sides of the narrow street. The freshness and colors were oozing out from the organic matter on the dark gray road adding streaks of contrasting bright colors. Everything was structured, placed with precision, and systematic - bunches of saturated red roses, marigolds, lilies and what not; groups of plums laid neatly on plastic mats; pyramids of vegetables stacked one over the other. Stairs displayed stacks of shirts for Rs. 20/- only; trousers for Rs. 60/- only, electronics, towels and socks, and what not. Name it and get it at dearth cheap rates. Sellers shouting witty & raunchy lines like, “Maal idhar hai, dhyaan kidhar hai”. I wondered whether to laugh or feel sad after hearing that.
The whole atmosphere was charged up. When I reached to the reservation counter I found to my dismal that it was closed. Sundays are till 1400 hours only. The trip went in vain but I was happy that I could name in an excursion in the end.
Corny Night
The word corny is not used for the intended meaning but to express the feeling of a person who had had only corns in the meal. I went to Corn club along with Rushikesh, Sarvesh, and Milind to have dinner. It was Rushikesh’s idea and I was protesting it with Milind. It was not a confident protest and that made us submissive and to go for it. The food was different but it had too much of corn. It started with the starters- corn salad, and baby corn fingers. Then came the main course with corn soup. The platter had one paneer - corn based curry, two chapattis, one vegetable fried rice obviously with corns, and corn salad again. It was in a true sense my first discourse with corns. Never in my life I had eaten such quantities of corns. After I finished my meal I started feeling corns all around in my body and mind. I decided not to go there again at least for a while. I need some time to get away with this newly acquired corn-phobia.
I ended the day at Mocha with Jamaican Blue Mountains.
Friday, December 23, 2005
God's Nectar
Yes I am writing after such a long time. It is true that for sometime I was tardy and unmotivated to write in black and white. I have been busy for sometime with my work. Two-three days back only I decided that I would write my blog again and would continue doing that without break.
So, finally today I got the chance when Friday, 23 Dec, 2005 has been declared as holiday in my office. Now, I see the advantage of working with an American company. Christmas is on Sunday but the management has decided to prepone the holiday. I am really impressed by the benevolent gesture shown by the management. God knows what have they been cooking up in the back of their minds.
I had come to office to charge my phone. Sounds weird but I keep my charger in office most of the times. Weekend I rely on my friends who use sony mobiles or come to office for an hour or so to do the charging. It might sound completely stupid to someone reading this but bachelors have nothing much in their lives. We get bored working continuously for five days in office, in the same way we bachelors get bored spending two days without the office. Coming to office not only charges my mobile but also my lethargic nerves to stay alive till Monday.
I still have to say why I am writing this? Sometimes I wonder how can I talk so much despite of the fact that I am an introvert person. I guess writing is different from talking or speaking. Nobody listens to when one writes so I can write bullshit if I want.
Milind is not at Sarvesh's place and I was expecting him to be there. I walked all the way to find that the house was locked. I tried calling him but the mobile was unreachable. Somebody has said it rightly that when things start to become bad, they end up after it becomes worst. After making several futile attempts to connect him, finally I got to know that he would be late by an hour.
I did not know what to do. I had already left the office and going back meant to look into the eyes of the security guard and feel embarrassed. I left the office so confidently telling my security guards that I was leaving for the day. They had checked out my name from the muster. Going back was like walking on a burning road without any feet protection. I thought hundred times to give my security guards a good excuse and still not feel embarrassed. Finally I made my way to office after deciding that I had no other option but to come back. I entered the office trying to look as much confident as I can. Poor security guards! They do not even think so much unlike us so called intellectuals. They do not cook all these structured and crooked plans as we intellectuals do. They are very simple. They welcomed me with their ever-humane smile free of contempt, wickedness, and artificialness.
I sat on my seat started the computer and now writing this. That was my story. The story of the broken blog waiting to be assembled back.
I met Neha in the office. She was working as usual on weekends. She suspects that I would go and drink today, as it is Friday. Last Friday only I had made a decision to refrain myself from alcohol till Valentine’s Day except the New Year day when I am supposed to wet my throat a little. She is quite aware of this. Today she put forth a bet that If I could show her to refrain from alcohol for one month she would do whatever I wanted. I do not know why girls do this. Do they really like to take tests or is this a common thing that every Indian girl asks to a guy. This line "I would do anything for you" is so deceptive that you do not know how to respond. You just become speechless. Last time it was Jaya who had asked this. I won the promise also but I still have to ask that what could she do for me. She is out of my life now, but perhaps this bet is a due on her. Now I do not know what would happen if I won my bet again with Neha. Anyway there is nothing you can ask a girl to do even if you win. The sentence itself is so heavy that nothing can be done with it. It is better to have bets for dinner, parties, or icecreams rather than using all these heavy philosophical words that does not make any sense in real life but look good in books only.
Milind has called in the middle of the last paragraph and he is coming back in 15-20 mins. We are going to the hill (Tekri) in IIT. Yesterday I flunked jogging because my legs were paining and I was dying with pain. It seems that my shins are badly injured because of the continuous jogging for last 7-8 days. Therefore, I have decided today with Milind to go for a small trek rather than to jog and torture myself once again. I do not know how safe is this but I will try to take care of myself while going there.
Again I forgot to call my sister Deepa on her birthday. Such a jackass I am, I feel sometimes. I have not called her yet. I was supposed to call her late in the night yesterday but I was killing time at Sarvesh's place. Later in the night when I was coming back I went to Godrej colony with Milind and Sarvesh instead of coming back to my apartment. Sarvesh touched 100 on his speedometer on the connecting road. I felt so scared. It could have been our last journey also, who knows, but life is like this only. There is a thin line between stupidity and bravery. God knows, whether, what Sarvesh did yesterday was bravery or stupidity. The good thing is that I am still alive to write this blog.
On top of it when I reached back my home, I stayed in the car for one more hour. We talked endlessly during that hour with car parked in front of my building. It is true that sometimes we talk stupid nonsense stuff but I feel this is what keeps you alive and helps you keep going with life. It makes you feel light and playful. On the other hand if you start reading intellectual stuff you feel more heavy and lonely because then there is nobody around you to share your solitude. Intellectuals do not waste their time in trivia and keep themselves aloof from friends. Why do they wear this mask of artificiality when even they also somewhere deep in their hearts want to behave like a normal person. Anyway, had this been so simple to understand, life would not be so complex.
I feel now that I have written too much after being flown in this emotional paroxysm of blog writing. Taking off for today. Let me see how long can I refrain myself from God's nectar.
So, finally today I got the chance when Friday, 23 Dec, 2005 has been declared as holiday in my office. Now, I see the advantage of working with an American company. Christmas is on Sunday but the management has decided to prepone the holiday. I am really impressed by the benevolent gesture shown by the management. God knows what have they been cooking up in the back of their minds.
I had come to office to charge my phone. Sounds weird but I keep my charger in office most of the times. Weekend I rely on my friends who use sony mobiles or come to office for an hour or so to do the charging. It might sound completely stupid to someone reading this but bachelors have nothing much in their lives. We get bored working continuously for five days in office, in the same way we bachelors get bored spending two days without the office. Coming to office not only charges my mobile but also my lethargic nerves to stay alive till Monday.
I still have to say why I am writing this? Sometimes I wonder how can I talk so much despite of the fact that I am an introvert person. I guess writing is different from talking or speaking. Nobody listens to when one writes so I can write bullshit if I want.
Milind is not at Sarvesh's place and I was expecting him to be there. I walked all the way to find that the house was locked. I tried calling him but the mobile was unreachable. Somebody has said it rightly that when things start to become bad, they end up after it becomes worst. After making several futile attempts to connect him, finally I got to know that he would be late by an hour.
I did not know what to do. I had already left the office and going back meant to look into the eyes of the security guard and feel embarrassed. I left the office so confidently telling my security guards that I was leaving for the day. They had checked out my name from the muster. Going back was like walking on a burning road without any feet protection. I thought hundred times to give my security guards a good excuse and still not feel embarrassed. Finally I made my way to office after deciding that I had no other option but to come back. I entered the office trying to look as much confident as I can. Poor security guards! They do not even think so much unlike us so called intellectuals. They do not cook all these structured and crooked plans as we intellectuals do. They are very simple. They welcomed me with their ever-humane smile free of contempt, wickedness, and artificialness.
I sat on my seat started the computer and now writing this. That was my story. The story of the broken blog waiting to be assembled back.
I met Neha in the office. She was working as usual on weekends. She suspects that I would go and drink today, as it is Friday. Last Friday only I had made a decision to refrain myself from alcohol till Valentine’s Day except the New Year day when I am supposed to wet my throat a little. She is quite aware of this. Today she put forth a bet that If I could show her to refrain from alcohol for one month she would do whatever I wanted. I do not know why girls do this. Do they really like to take tests or is this a common thing that every Indian girl asks to a guy. This line "I would do anything for you" is so deceptive that you do not know how to respond. You just become speechless. Last time it was Jaya who had asked this. I won the promise also but I still have to ask that what could she do for me. She is out of my life now, but perhaps this bet is a due on her. Now I do not know what would happen if I won my bet again with Neha. Anyway there is nothing you can ask a girl to do even if you win. The sentence itself is so heavy that nothing can be done with it. It is better to have bets for dinner, parties, or icecreams rather than using all these heavy philosophical words that does not make any sense in real life but look good in books only.
Milind has called in the middle of the last paragraph and he is coming back in 15-20 mins. We are going to the hill (Tekri) in IIT. Yesterday I flunked jogging because my legs were paining and I was dying with pain. It seems that my shins are badly injured because of the continuous jogging for last 7-8 days. Therefore, I have decided today with Milind to go for a small trek rather than to jog and torture myself once again. I do not know how safe is this but I will try to take care of myself while going there.
Again I forgot to call my sister Deepa on her birthday. Such a jackass I am, I feel sometimes. I have not called her yet. I was supposed to call her late in the night yesterday but I was killing time at Sarvesh's place. Later in the night when I was coming back I went to Godrej colony with Milind and Sarvesh instead of coming back to my apartment. Sarvesh touched 100 on his speedometer on the connecting road. I felt so scared. It could have been our last journey also, who knows, but life is like this only. There is a thin line between stupidity and bravery. God knows, whether, what Sarvesh did yesterday was bravery or stupidity. The good thing is that I am still alive to write this blog.
On top of it when I reached back my home, I stayed in the car for one more hour. We talked endlessly during that hour with car parked in front of my building. It is true that sometimes we talk stupid nonsense stuff but I feel this is what keeps you alive and helps you keep going with life. It makes you feel light and playful. On the other hand if you start reading intellectual stuff you feel more heavy and lonely because then there is nobody around you to share your solitude. Intellectuals do not waste their time in trivia and keep themselves aloof from friends. Why do they wear this mask of artificiality when even they also somewhere deep in their hearts want to behave like a normal person. Anyway, had this been so simple to understand, life would not be so complex.
I feel now that I have written too much after being flown in this emotional paroxysm of blog writing. Taking off for today. Let me see how long can I refrain myself from God's nectar.
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