Friday evening, I am sitting at home at 10'O clock. Two reasons - I wanted some solitude and some time for myself, to introspect, to retrospect, and to decide on my future course. The other reason is that I do not want to drink which was inevitable had I stayed at Sriram's place. I had no reason to say "No" to them. My two months resolution to abstain from alcohol got over the next day to valentine's. I celebrated it with wines and champagnes from Europe and how can I not mention one large peg of all time favorite Old Monk. Today I could have drunk once again had I not made my mind to come back home.
Anyway, I cannot avoid or prevent it for long. Anoop is leaving for US and I know I have to drink with him before he leaves. I could have broken my resolution to drink our last few drinks. We had drunk a lot together and had a quality time. Today when he is leaving our group and going to US we cannot avoid gettting together again to celebrate the good time that we had together.
It is a depressing moment that he is leaving our group and we are missing a friend. The best thing about coming to Mumbai and joining HFI is to get friends for life. For almost two years we have been living in different houses but sharing the same affable space. Living our own lives but concerned and cognizant about each other's life. Even the most trivial things had become special with them around. The bitter and sweet memories that we have had, have been rendered for eternity on the walls of my heart. He is leaving us - is something difficult to believe. The group is breaking, it's disintegrating and in the process friends are going away. Everybody wants to go for his new life and when he does, he leaves behind his past, which keeps hovering around the friends left behind. One by one everybody would leave and the group will disappear. I guess this is the last best group that I am seeing and experiencing. In a year or so most of us will be married and once you are married your wife becomes your first priority. The saddest part is that we will be living in different countries across various time zones. I guess within next six months the group would disappear and each of us would assume a new life and new group.
My guess as of today:
Anoop: USA
Sriram: Canada
Sarvesh: Europe -> India
Amol: USA
Praveen: Europe -> USA
Friends far apart but friends for life. Atleast we can go to any continent with confidence and for a reason, which is nothing better than meeting an old friend.
Had a chat with Neha today. She is coming for a week and leaving for Sanghai. I guess this would be her second last week in Mumbai and she will also leave to Bangalore. Though I did not spend much time with her in Mumbai but she was a good friend when I was in Delhi. We had different worlds here in Mumbai and we rarely met and talked. We thought not to disturb each other's life and we were happy that way. Except the past four months when we started talking again. Anyway, once she leaves Mumbai she will also start her life afresh like Anoop. Only the past that she would leave behind will keep hovering around me to realize that she is not there....
Friday, February 24, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Life at Cross Roads
Today when I am scribbling down, lots of changes have taken place in my life. Life is nothing but a synonym of uncertainty. We dream, we desire, we plan, we hope, and we start working towards it, thinking we have found our goal, soon to realize that destiny has something else to offer. All dreams shatter, all desires change, all plans fail, all hopes become despair and we fall down again to face the harsh cruel reality.
The weekend was not really exciting. I had movies to see but did not really get time to watch. Important matters of life overruled all trivia that had to happen. Saturday went lightening fast over the discussions of the script and a long rejuvenating sleep that ended with some tea at a dhaba opposite IITB. Saurabh, and Sriram accompanied me. We discussed grave matters about life. Luckily I had the right company at the right time. Life has come to crossroads now and everybody is worried as to where to go. There are two ways to live – follow your dreams or dump your dreams.
I have decided to choose the first option. I will follow my dreams and now do not care who is coming along with me and who is not. The conversation at the tea was really something important. Three guys determined to pursue their dreams. I am happy to see that we could muster the courage to take the risk and to give it a shot. 99% of the people otherwise dump their dreams in the pursuit of comfort and sustenance.
Sarvesh wants to start something of his own and is waiting for the right moment and opportunity.
Amol wants to go for MBA and perhaps later wants to start his own business to become a rich man.
Sriram wants to travel all around the world and in the process wants to capture his travel on his camera.
Anoop wants to go to US and wants to start his own life. He perhaps wants to be in Usability only.
Neha wants to do something for the society but I doubt it :). Money is something which is very difficult to get away with. Social service is not a good idea to make money. I hope she will find a mid-way.
I want to start my production house to produce documentaries for NatGeo, Discovery, etc... These are the dreams of today. Life is so unpredictable. It changes every moment and so our dreams.... Let’s see who gets what? May God bless all of us. We will win the world. :)
The major turnaround that happened last week was to get in touch with Sheetal Agarwal. She is a documentary filmmaker who is down to earth, without ego and attitude. I would be more than happy and grateful to assist her. Soon we are going to start something in that direction. I am waiting for her to get in touch with me with her itinerary about her film. Once I get my directions I will start working on it – something I am excited about.
The other small time fiction movie that we are trying “The loss of Golden Silence” is going good but has become slow. Our jobs eat up most of the time we get. I think we should be done with our script this week. I am excited about this project and in particular looking it as a learning. I am sure it would not be that easy as we had visualized when we started. The good thing is that the team is enthusiastic about its completion and it is really heartening to see such dedication, commitment, and energy in abundance. Akriti, Sriram, Shaurya, Saurabh, and I are making it possible by contributing in the best way we can.
Days have become so small that it leaves only a little time for me. My guitar practice, my jogging, and my reading, everything is suffering and have gone for a toss because of this time crunch. So many things to do in such a small life. I wish if I had a million years of life to follow my dreams.
Some people are important to me in my life. When they are not around me I feel restless and anxious. I wait for them, to hear them, to see them, to fill in my space with them. They on the other hand, do not even get the clue of this or sometimes just act ignorant and innocent. Sometimes I try to fool myself that they don’t matter to me and I don’t care about them. Fake consolations are a blindfold that can hide the memories from the past but cannot stop the outcries of the heart to reach our ears. We all are pretentious in some way or the other. We all are good actors to hide our emotions and to fake emotions when we react. And we bury our true emotions in the grave of ego, self-respect and pride. The persona we wear is not our true self but something which this world wants us to look like. How long would we live this false life for others and for what?
The weekend was not really exciting. I had movies to see but did not really get time to watch. Important matters of life overruled all trivia that had to happen. Saturday went lightening fast over the discussions of the script and a long rejuvenating sleep that ended with some tea at a dhaba opposite IITB. Saurabh, and Sriram accompanied me. We discussed grave matters about life. Luckily I had the right company at the right time. Life has come to crossroads now and everybody is worried as to where to go. There are two ways to live – follow your dreams or dump your dreams.
I have decided to choose the first option. I will follow my dreams and now do not care who is coming along with me and who is not. The conversation at the tea was really something important. Three guys determined to pursue their dreams. I am happy to see that we could muster the courage to take the risk and to give it a shot. 99% of the people otherwise dump their dreams in the pursuit of comfort and sustenance.
Sarvesh wants to start something of his own and is waiting for the right moment and opportunity.
Amol wants to go for MBA and perhaps later wants to start his own business to become a rich man.
Sriram wants to travel all around the world and in the process wants to capture his travel on his camera.
Anoop wants to go to US and wants to start his own life. He perhaps wants to be in Usability only.
Neha wants to do something for the society but I doubt it :). Money is something which is very difficult to get away with. Social service is not a good idea to make money. I hope she will find a mid-way.
I want to start my production house to produce documentaries for NatGeo, Discovery, etc... These are the dreams of today. Life is so unpredictable. It changes every moment and so our dreams.... Let’s see who gets what? May God bless all of us. We will win the world. :)
The major turnaround that happened last week was to get in touch with Sheetal Agarwal. She is a documentary filmmaker who is down to earth, without ego and attitude. I would be more than happy and grateful to assist her. Soon we are going to start something in that direction. I am waiting for her to get in touch with me with her itinerary about her film. Once I get my directions I will start working on it – something I am excited about.
The other small time fiction movie that we are trying “The loss of Golden Silence” is going good but has become slow. Our jobs eat up most of the time we get. I think we should be done with our script this week. I am excited about this project and in particular looking it as a learning. I am sure it would not be that easy as we had visualized when we started. The good thing is that the team is enthusiastic about its completion and it is really heartening to see such dedication, commitment, and energy in abundance. Akriti, Sriram, Shaurya, Saurabh, and I are making it possible by contributing in the best way we can.
Days have become so small that it leaves only a little time for me. My guitar practice, my jogging, and my reading, everything is suffering and have gone for a toss because of this time crunch. So many things to do in such a small life. I wish if I had a million years of life to follow my dreams.
Some people are important to me in my life. When they are not around me I feel restless and anxious. I wait for them, to hear them, to see them, to fill in my space with them. They on the other hand, do not even get the clue of this or sometimes just act ignorant and innocent. Sometimes I try to fool myself that they don’t matter to me and I don’t care about them. Fake consolations are a blindfold that can hide the memories from the past but cannot stop the outcries of the heart to reach our ears. We all are pretentious in some way or the other. We all are good actors to hide our emotions and to fake emotions when we react. And we bury our true emotions in the grave of ego, self-respect and pride. The persona we wear is not our true self but something which this world wants us to look like. How long would we live this false life for others and for what?
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