Life at Cross Roads

Today when I am scribbling down, lots of changes have taken place in my life. Life is nothing but a synonym of uncertainty. We dream, we desire, we plan, we hope, and we start working towards it, thinking we have found our goal, soon to realize that destiny has something else to offer. All dreams shatter, all desires change, all plans fail, all hopes become despair and we fall down again to face the harsh cruel reality.

The weekend was not really exciting. I had movies to see but did not really get time to watch. Important matters of life overruled all trivia that had to happen. Saturday went lightening fast over the discussions of the script and a long rejuvenating sleep that ended with some tea at a dhaba opposite IITB. Saurabh, and Sriram accompanied me. We discussed grave matters about life. Luckily I had the right company at the right time. Life has come to crossroads now and everybody is worried as to where to go. There are two ways to live – follow your dreams or dump your dreams.

I have decided to choose the first option. I will follow my dreams and now do not care who is coming along with me and who is not. The conversation at the tea was really something important. Three guys determined to pursue their dreams. I am happy to see that we could muster the courage to take the risk and to give it a shot. 99% of the people otherwise dump their dreams in the pursuit of comfort and sustenance.

Sarvesh wants to start something of his own and is waiting for the right moment and opportunity.
Amol wants to go for MBA and perhaps later wants to start his own business to become a rich man.
Sriram wants to travel all around the world and in the process wants to capture his travel on his camera.
Anoop wants to go to US and wants to start his own life. He perhaps wants to be in Usability only.
Neha wants to do something for the society but I doubt it :). Money is something which is very difficult to get away with. Social service is not a good idea to make money. I hope she will find a mid-way.
I want to start my production house to produce documentaries for NatGeo, Discovery, etc... These are the dreams of today. Life is so unpredictable. It changes every moment and so our dreams.... Let’s see who gets what? May God bless all of us. We will win the world. :)

The major turnaround that happened last week was to get in touch with Sheetal Agarwal. She is a documentary filmmaker who is down to earth, without ego and attitude. I would be more than happy and grateful to assist her. Soon we are going to start something in that direction. I am waiting for her to get in touch with me with her itinerary about her film. Once I get my directions I will start working on it – something I am excited about.

The other small time fiction movie that we are trying “The loss of Golden Silence” is going good but has become slow. Our jobs eat up most of the time we get. I think we should be done with our script this week. I am excited about this project and in particular looking it as a learning. I am sure it would not be that easy as we had visualized when we started. The good thing is that the team is enthusiastic about its completion and it is really heartening to see such dedication, commitment, and energy in abundance. Akriti, Sriram, Shaurya, Saurabh, and I are making it possible by contributing in the best way we can.

Days have become so small that it leaves only a little time for me. My guitar practice, my jogging, and my reading, everything is suffering and have gone for a toss because of this time crunch. So many things to do in such a small life. I wish if I had a million years of life to follow my dreams.

Some people are important to me in my life. When they are not around me I feel restless and anxious. I wait for them, to hear them, to see them, to fill in my space with them. They on the other hand, do not even get the clue of this or sometimes just act ignorant and innocent. Sometimes I try to fool myself that they don’t matter to me and I don’t care about them. Fake consolations are a blindfold that can hide the memories from the past but cannot stop the outcries of the heart to reach our ears. We all are pretentious in some way or the other. We all are good actors to hide our emotions and to fake emotions when we react. And we bury our true emotions in the grave of ego, self-respect and pride. The persona we wear is not our true self but something which this world wants us to look like. How long would we live this false life for others and for what?